About the album "...Like Clockwork"

A couple of months ago a friend of mine recommended me an album from Queens of the Stone Age, ...Like Clockwork. I've been listening to it ever since and it feels evolving all the time. It's like some kind of a soundtrack of my life in this particular period of time. I've been through some huge life changes this year and concurrently fighting with depression. In this post I'll try to analyze what the songs and the entire album mean to me. Be aware of some depressive and extremely personal shit.

1. Keep Your Eyes Peeled

This song is pretty straightforward, which is good, because I don't trust my interpretation skills very much. For me this is about the ultimate negativity that depression can create in one's mind. It makes us lonely and bitter. I know there's happiness somewhere, it might even be within reach, but with the dreadful hate towards myself it's impossible to find. This feeling is deeply buried in my heart. I can sometimes forget about it, but it hurts me more and more viciously every time it comes up again. I'm sure there's a countless number of people feeling the same way, but we just can't ever know, because this is something we never talk about in this perfect world.

Musically this song is intriguing. As I'm a friend of clever basslines, this one-note bassline could be a problem. But it isn't, because the bass is giving such a nice rhythm. It's almost like another percussion, it has only a small melodical purpose, yet it's still powerful.

2. I Sat By The Ocean

This piece isn't lyrically the most essential for me. It offers good rock music and a pause between two quite painful songs. Of course for someone else this would be a royally important song.

3. The Vampyre Of Time And Memory

To be vulnerable is needed most of all
If you intend to truly fall apart

I guess being sensitive and frail are the worst features in a person, if you are the person yourself. With the hate I carry inside me I'm very weak.

You think the worst of all is far behind
The vampire of time and memories has died
I survived. I speak, I breathe,
I'm incomplete
I'm alive - hooray!
You're wrong again
'Cause I feel no love

Self-hatred makes life so empty. What's the difference being dead or alive? I despise myself so much that I easily forget how to love. Every now and then I remember, but it's very dangerous as love can end and that would break me again. I've seen it so many times. For people it's easy to have a crush on me, but as soon as I begin to trust it all disappears. I disappoint myself and I disappoint others in the way I don't even understand. It's not easy to be cheerful, when you have almost no control over the life you're living.

Everything can be summarized in this question:
Does anyone ever get this right?

4. If I Had A Tail

I love this song's attitude, the rhythm is confident. I think the lyrics are criticizing the shallow lifestyle and living up to others' expectations, not thinking on your own. For me this song is healing and empowering. Even if I had problems in my life, I don't have to accept everything from everyone (yet I still do). After all, being yourself and alone is far more better than being surrounded by superficial people.

5. My God Is The Sun

This song is my least favourite from this album. Probably I just don't understand it. Musically it's pretty unsurprising, too. To be honest I usually skip it,

6. Kalopsia

It's hard to decide what song is the best, but this definitely belongs to the top 3. The lyrics are brilliant, here's my interpretation:

I never lie
To myself
Tonight.

Rose, tinted eyes
Color my sorrow
A shade of 'why?'

Bye bye black balloon
See you real soon
Wave bye bye
Bye bye

In my case this is about questioning your sadness/self-hatred. For a moment you might be able to let it go, knowing it'll come back at some point. But the feeling of letting go is as beautiful as this song.

Why were you so sad
What have they done?
Forget those mindless baboons
They're off playing God

Copy cats in cheap suits
All playing it safe
While cannibals with their noose
Consume a parade

Is it wonderful?

As a depressed person, you easily put thoughts to other people's minds. At least I do, I create some distorted conversations with incognitos in my head. But have they really done anything? Mostly no. But I might think that they're "off playing God" and other stupid stuff. When I'm looking down on myself, I easily think that others do so too. It's way too easy to see them as a threat, like everyone wants to insult me whenever they get the opportunity. I feel that I'm no one, a disposable, easy to replace kind of a person. This is of course an unreasonable way to think, and I'm doing my best resisting it.

Well, there are a plenty of ways how to interpret these lines, so I don't blame you if my way seems wrong. I guess QOTSA meant the lyrics more straightforward: there's no reason to be sad because of the others, they're assholes who have no originality and who just want to destroy everything.

Kalopsia, kalopsia, kalopsia
Kalopsia, kalopsia


Wiktionary says that "kalopsia is the delusion of things being more beautiful than they are". This is a phenomena easy to be seen everywhere. I'm trying to break the delusion and show you how fucked up I am. However, I'm certain that when someone likes me, they just can't see how disgusting I am. At the same time it's awful, but somehow soothing too. It makes me feel like a liar.

Far, far from shore
The land of nightmares
Gone forever more

And I love you more
Than I can control
I don't even try
Why would I?

This could be about looking for a shelter for myself. It's hard to explain. Maybe life would be less messed up, if I just hated myself and not loved even a little bit? Because I do love I can't just end this. And maybe someday I will also love someone else and everything will be even more complicated. Sorry, this makes no sense.

Oh why the long face?
You've got it all wrong
Forget the rat in the race
We'll choke chain them all

Fates favor the ones
Who help themselves
The rest feel the sting of the lash
As they run, as they run
To hell

I think this concludes to the thought that you're the only one you can trust. You're the only one who can help you. It's kind of lonely, but luckily there are people with whom you can be lonely together. I love my friends and family, because they let me be this way even though sometimes I'm so difficult.

7. Fairweather Friends

I guess this is about how easy it is to go back to old habits and return to those who have deserted you. They feel safe, no matter how many times you realize they aren't doing any good.

8. Smooth Sailing

I really like this song. For me it's about the feeling when nothing matters anymore and you just do what you want. Sometimes I can feel this too, that there's nothing to lose, I'm already on the bottom.

Every temple is gold
Every hook is designed
Hell is but the temple
Of the closed mind

Wrong and right are such relativistic concepts.

9. I Appear Missing

This is about being dumped, I guess. I can relate strongly. At first love feels so good, but at some point the loved one realizes I'm nothing but an empty shell. Then I'm left alone heartbroken and nothing will be the same.

I go missing,
No longer exist
One day I hopeI'm someone you'd met

Maybe there's still hope for recovering, but I don't know. I don't even know if this is about any particular break up in my case, I just feel unloveable.

10. ...Like Clockwork

First of all, this is probably the most beautiful song made by such a band as QOTSA.

Everyone it seems
Has somewhere to go
And the faster the world spins
The shorter the lights will glow
And I’m swimming in the night
Chasing down the moon
The deeper in the water
The more I long for you

Most of what you see my dear is purely for show
Because not everything that goes around, comes back around you know
Holding on too long is just a fear of letting go
Because not everything that goes around, comes back around you know

One thing that is clear it’s all down hill from here

My love in your hand cleverly disguised
All the promises of stone, crumble in the light

Most of what you see my dear
Is worth letting go
Because not everything that goes around, comes back around you know
Holding on too long is just
A fear of want to show
Because not everything that goes around, comes back around you know
Not everything that goes around, comes back around you know

One thing that is clear
It’s all down hill from here

For me this is about how seeing others following their ambitions makes you feel even more lonely. You're the only one who has nothing, no one. Still, you know it's not good to build up an unreal scene of perfect life, perfect love. People are doing same mistakes over and over, because they think that's the way things should happen. Like clockwork. But why bother to do anything, when everything's so shallow and hopeless?

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This album fits perfectly to my darkest moments. It understands the pains of being a deeply insufficient human but also comforts and soothes. I may be alone, but I'm not the only one who goes through these things.

It is really scary to write about these feelings, because there's always the possibility of stigmatizing. I didn't write this to acquire pity or different kind of treatment. I wrote this because "I am human and I need to be loved just like anybody else does" and because this album is conversing on the different sides of that very basic need. This is an important album.